koalajenn

10:24 am

well its been quite a while since an actual update. the thing is that nothing really happens in my life....at least nothing i want the whole world to know so i never have anything to write in here. todays my daddys birthday and i feel horrible cuz i completely forgot about it. when julie called me yesterday to ask if i was coming over for his birthday i cant tell u how bad i felt. and to top things off, i couldnt find anything to get for him. not like i ever get him presents, but this is his first birthday since i moved out and i dont want to show up empty handed.
life is boring....wish i had some friends cuz im tired of sitting at home and watching movies or tv because i have nothing else better to do. all of my friends live in levittown and doubt they want to make the drive all the way out here, cuz i sure as shit dont want to waste my gas going out there.i used to have all my friends out here, but now i dont talk to any of them except on the rare occasion when we go to the bar. and life sucks even more because i cant for the life of me find a new job.....why the fuck doesnt anyone want to hire me?? i dont get it! they've decided to put me back on a register at work which means ill get a couple more hours a week....so thats all fine and dandy but i want a new job....with good benefits that will give me 40 hours a week that i really like working. is that too much to ask? i dont think so! i applied at the islip animal hospital the other day....i really want to work there. it was such a nice place, but its been like 2 maybe 3 days and they havent called me yet. i dont think theyre going to. i guess ill also go to the one in brentwood and theres one in babylon that i could try, but i dont want to go all the way to babylon. ugh! sorry for the rant im just a little miffed about the whole situation. later days

Current Mood: awake

11:58 am

Your 'Dancing Through Sunday', your depressed and
you find beauty in the path of sorrow.


Which Sing The Sorrow (AFI) Song Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


You're the Sing the Sorrow long hair. You make
Davey look very female, just another part of
your charm. (Sorry, I couldn't help putting in
the picture of Davey groping Jade...)


Which of Davey Havok's hairstyles are you?
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Your Element Is Water

A bit of a contradiction, you can seem both lighthearted and serious. That's because you're good at going with the flow - but you also are deep. Highly intuitive, you tune in to people's emotions and moods easily. You are able to tap into deep emotional connections and connect with others. You prefer a smooth, harmonious life - but you can navigate your way around waves. You have a knack for getting people to get along and making life a little more peaceful.

Current Mood: hot

06:26 pm - i got bored....enjoy

7 Types of Intelligence - Which is yours?
brought to you by Quizilla

this doesnt seem right does it?


You are Trisha.


Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

i dont think i like this result


You're like me! The intelligent loner. You're shy
at times but friendly, and you are never weak
and always independent. You are incredibly
intelligent (wise beyond your years) and have a
talent for many things (sports, music, art).
You have a kind and warm personality and enjoy
the simple things. Like hanging out with
friends and watching movies at home. But you're
sometimes quiet nature makes you a bit of an
outcast and a mystery to people. No matter how
pretty you are or smart or athletic, you just
can't seem to break into the crowd and be
noticed. Don't worry, try to be more outgoing
and speak out when you have more to say. Don't
hide behind your books and sports and computer,
get out there and get noticed. You also have
deep desires in life and feel vunerable and
alone at times. Don't feel sad either, What
helps me to express feelings and dreams that I
can't say to people, is through my writting.
Maybe you should try.


What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)
brought to you by Quizilla

this seems to be the complete opposite of the last one.....i like that.

Current Mood: bored

03:26 pm - that seems to fit doesnt it?

You scored as Loner. </td> Loner 94% Goth 69% Stoner 44% Ghetto gangsta 31% Drama nerd 31% Punk/Rebel 25% Geek 6% Prep/Jock/Cheerleader 0% What's Your High School Stereotype? created with QuizFarm.com

Current Mood: hungry

04:54 pm

so......ive been settled in for about 4 days now. everything is cool between the rents and me....it took a lot of screaming to get there, but we're there none the less. i didnt think it was possible (especially given the last entry) but i miss them....julie and jackie too. i spend a lot of time here alone when im not at work but i definitely am loving every second of this. march 31 stoic disruption is playing in manhatten at about 1:15 am. im probably not gonna get home til about 5 or 6 am. lol that would never fly at my parents house! of course the last bunch of nights i was in bed by 11pm. so it all balances out. i was just thinking about all of this the other day.....my parents are very strict....i dont know if uve all noticed. and the thought of one of his daughter having sex is like flashing red at a bull, but no one has said anything about that aspect of my moving in with irving. in fact my dad was way cooler about it than my mom. they have to know....i mean, they cant possibly think that our relationship is at the moving in stage and i still havent slept with him. i dunno....it just made me think. i should really stop doing that lol. well anyway....i guess thats all. i should go find something to occupy myself with for the next 4 hours til irving gets home. blah! wednesdays suck. later days all!

Current Mood: happy

04:41 pm

so its finally happened. i brought all my stuff over to irvings house today. i start in the bayshore king kullen on monday and my parents are hating every second of it. my dad called me up from work to tell me that im fucking stupid and that its not happening. if he honestly thinks im staying here after that phone call he has to be out of his fucking mind. he insulted me many times and treated me like i was a fucking baby! so im working 8 hours tomorrow then after that irving is gonna pick me up for band practice and im going home with him after that. and thats all there is to it. im so beyond caring what my parents think at this point, he can yell and scream til hes blue in the fucking face it doesnt change the fact that im leaving and he'll be lucky if he ever hears from me again.

Current Mood: frustrated

10:38 pm

i really have to get cracking on this stupid new years resolution. its already into february and i havent lost any weight. i havent worked out, ive done absolutely nothing. i wish i could just stop being so fucking lazy, but its a hard habit to break. it wouldnt even be so bad being lazy if i didnt eat so fucking much. its like, i dont want to work out so ill just sit my ass on the couch and eat and eat and eat all day long. i read about this new "fad diet" today at work. appearently coconut oil is AWESOME for speeding up ur metabolism. so i brought it up at dinner and my mom snapped at me. she thinks im not eating healthy enough and im too obsessed with my weight. well duh! fat people often are. i mean i may not be fat anymore, but that mentality is still there, ya know? my mom bought a digital scale, and im absolutely terrified to get on the damn thing. i dont want to see what it says. i need to lose like.....:thinking: about 30 lbs. and my problem is that since im a lazy fuck i obviously cant do this on my own and no one takes me seriously about it. they just roll their eyes, sigh a little and say "u dont need to lose weight, ur not fat" i know im not fat.....i do have eyes u know! but im not as thin as i want to be. the weight im at now is fine.....if i was like 4 or 5 inches taller. at 5'1 i should only be about 110 lbs. argh! i wish people cold understand how frustrating this is for me. and i feel like i have no one to talk about it with....its not fair.

im sorry i just had to get that out. starting tomorrow im gonna stop being so lazy and im gonna do something get lose some fucking weight.

Current Mood: frustrated

11:12 am - here ya go

<td>You are a Kitchen Knife.



You are a very aggressive person, not hesitating to make a fatal move in order to succeed. You are always aware of what is going on around you, though other people aren't. You are over-protective of some of your valued possessions, though you gamble to gain more. If someone gets in your way, you kill them. If you hate someone, they die. Well, not literally. People fear you for your skills and envy your success, but you don't care. You liked to be feared in order to gain reverence. You are the most powerful of all silverware, and cut up peoples souls. I mean food.

Most compatible with: Toothbrush.


Click here -- What Random Object Represents Your Inner Self?
</td>

Current Mood: guilty

11:30 pm

i just want to preface this entry with: i dont want to sound bitchy or hypocritical or anything of that sort, but ive gotten to the point that i need to vent about something. i also dont mean this to sound like im a whiny little baby or anything. but im gonna quote rey on this and say this is my journal and i should be able to say whatever the hell i want. that being said.....here we go...

so aly has met this guy on myspace.com. dont get me wrong, im happy she met someone especially as hot as micheal is. even if it is on the net, but hes just about as goth as they come....so is his brother who is *almost* as hot as he is. but lately she has been going around classifying herself as "goth" even though she doesnt dress the part. and im sorry to be a whiny bitch, but "goth" as much as i dont like to admit it has always been my schtick. she has spent her ENTIRE life....or at least her prepubesent years til the current time screaming at me to get my own life cuz i keep following her around like a shadow and calling me her appendix or something like that. now shes turned around and is doing the same thing. it might be a little different but thats just how i see it. *the whole thing with micheal has just got me thinking about this thats all.....this vent really has nothing to do with him* since pretty much her first semester at suffolk i have felt like she has been trying to......not really take my identity, but i guess try to be like me. at first it was great cuz she wasnt taking any crap from anyone and not caring what other people thought about her which is really what she needs to do,shes trying to get back to that. i dont know why this bothers me so much, i just feel like she already has all the friends and everyone loves her....quirkyness and all, but now she has to go and take my personality....identity.....whatever on top of it.

being "goth" is more then liking midievil clothes and having low self-esteem.

im sorry if i offended u or hurt ur feelings, i just needed to get that out.

later days all!

Current Mood: depressed

01:18 pm - so....i thought it was time for an update

so last night aly and i went to karaoke for the first time in forever. jaymes was sweet enough to come pick us up and take us home afterwards. it was surprisingly drama free last night which was weird considering there was a very large ring around the moon....a sign of trouble coming. we got to see everyone again and im not sure about aly but everyone was very excited to see me...made me feel really good actually. about 10 min or so before we left i was hugging danny and this is how our conversation went:

d: so is it true?
j: what?
d: about u and irving
j: what?!
d: are u guys engaged?
j: no!
d: why the hell not?!
j: who told u that?
d: im looking at him (meaning rey)
j: no, im not engaged, but i am moving in
d: oh sweet!

first of all i thought it was a little weird that danny asked "why the hell not" when i broke up with his BEST friend for irving. i know things have been perfectly fine between us for ages, but it still caught me by surprise. second of all why in the blue fuck is rey telling people irving and i are engaged? im not mad about it or anything but i just dont understand it is all. i know for a fact that he knows whats really going on so i dont get why he would exaggerate it like that. ugh whatever. maybe aly and i will go back to karaoke next week. ive really missed those guys.....for the most part anyway.theres a select few i could really care less about but for the most part i missed them! anyway i guess thats it.....later days

Current Mood: content

06:21 pm - the last one appearently was a joke to some of u....try this one instead.

please leave an anonymous comment answering these...

1. One secret.
2. One compliment.
3. One non-compliment.
4. One love note.
5. Lyrics to a song.
6. How old you are.
7. How long we've been friends.
8. And a hint to who you are.

Current Mood: hungry

09:21 am

Post anything that you want here, and post it anonymously. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love... anything. Make sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post as many times as you'd like. Then, put this in your LJ to see what others have to say.

Stolen from everybody.

Current Mood: awake

03:49 pm - heres something to waste some more time with

The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts
about your friends. It is fun and easy. ***Remember to send it back to the
person who sent it to you!!



1. WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?

blue jeans that are WAY to big for me

2. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

linkin park and jay-z "numb/encore remix"

3. Soups or Salads?
well i dont really like veggies.....so soup i guess

4. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?

wendy's yummy!


5. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?


i dont know.....probably black

6. WEATHER RIGHT NOW?

quite smelly actually

7. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?

irving....he called me AFTER he stopped by and found no one at home



8 DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS?

yeah, shes ok *wink*

9. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

im super! thanks for asking!


10. FAVORITE DRINK?

i like root beer, orange juice, almost any soda


11. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?

i like fruity drinks....such as pink lemonade, screwdrivers are good.....oh and doms punch that he made for reys release party! that shit screwed me up!

12. FAVORITE SPORTS:

leaf hunting

13. HAIR COLOR?

dark brown....nothing to special there, its not gorgeous and red like all my many sisters

14. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?

no glasses......when i feel like it

15. SIBLINGS AND THEIR AGES?

aly-23
julie-16
jackie-8

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?

um.....maybe the incredibles

17. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?

i dunno......im kind of partial to the 21 and 23 of june

18. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?

not really, ive done it before, but never really got the results i wanted

19. SUMMER OR WINTER

winter i guess......its more of a snuggle season


20. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?

i doubt anybody

21. LEAST LIKELY?

*blank stare*

22. LIVING ARRANGEMENT?

come january i will be living with irving

23. BOOK YOU ARE READING?

well last night i finished "book, the first" in a series of unfortunate events

24. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?

its black with a silver circle and it says dell


25. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?

im not really into board games all that much

26. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?

i went to band practice and then irving came over for a bit and watched tv with me. it was lovely

27. FAVORITE SMELLS?

irving smells perdy ;)......he wears axe!


28. CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR TONGUE?

no....and why would anyone want to?

29. WHAT INSPIRES YOU?

i dont know. it usually just comes to me, i dont really pay attention to what it is im doing.

30. PLAIN OR SALTED POPCORN?

i dont really like popcorn all that much anymore

31. FAVORITE CAR?

mini coop is good, but ill never afford that one, however i do miss my cirrus....that was a good car.

32 FAVORITE FLOWER?

eh....i dont really like flowers

33.HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING?
i dont have a key ring

34. CAN YOU JUGGLE?
never tried

35. WHAT WOULD YOU HATE TO BE TRAPPED IN A ROOM WITH?

a spider......dont care how big, anything with that many legs creeps me out

36. 7UP OR SPRITE?

blech!


37. Coffee?

yes please!

38. FAVORITE PERFUME/COLOGNE?

what about it?

39. DOGS OR CATS?

dogs definitely

40. FAVORITE PLACE TO VISIT?

south dakota baby!

Current Mood: energetic

08:08 pm

today was so stupid! it was just an all around sucky day, weather-wise and then i was going on my break at work when this woman, rita, asked me where i was going in january. so i told her i was moving to brentwood. this was around 1:45, 2:00. she wouldnt leave me alone til she left at 4. FOUR O'CLOCK!! she was on my case all day! i told her a bunch of times that she was being worse than my parents and my parents are fucking nazis. she was calling irving all kinds of colorful names like a good-for-nothing loser or something along those lines amung other things. i asked her how she could say that when shes never met the man and never even thinks about me when we dont see each other at work. it was the dumbest conversation ive ever had. at one point she said "ok im going to stop talking now so that u can think about what i said" i just looked her straight in the face and said "no, because ur not telling me anything new. my parents have already said all of this to me so i know what it is i need to think about and figure out. so if u dont mind id like it if u would mind ur own business". at the time i thought it was kind of funny, but the more im thinking about it now....the more pissed im getting because who the fuck is she to tell me what to do? she has no relation to me other than co-worker and i dont see her all that often. if im not going to give my parents a say in the situation, why the fuck would i give her one? i told me friend val about it and she told me that rita is just jealous because im getting laid and shes not. that cheered me up....i found that quite amusing. now every time i see this woman shes going to piss me off until i leave. thaats bupkis! ugh! is it january yet?? with each passing day i get more and more anxious to get out of here. irving is acutally looking for a full size bed already. *giggle* this is so cool! ok i think thats all for now. later days all!!

Current Mood: anxious

01:23 pm

How Optimistic Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Black Cat


What Animal Are You
brought to you by Quizilla
*that was the dumbest quiz ive ever taken*

your young and hopeless, your lost and u no it, but
u don't care


WhAt Gc SoNg FiTs YoU bEsT?????
brought to you by Quizilla

Your life is like " Numb by Linkin Park
".
You just want to be more like yourself, then what
people want you to be.


Which song is your life like?
brought to you by Quizilla

http://live.quizilla.com/user_images/J/Jai16/1099783764_icsdreams2.jpg
You love life and you think life is beatiful!You
never look down on people and you never
regret!You heart and yourslef are beatiful!


How beautiful are u?
brought to you by Quizilla
*blank stare*

You want a sweet guy. Who'ld take you anywhere.
Like Japan!!! Wow I would like a guy like that
too:) Also he looks so cute in japanese
clothing:)


Who's Perfect For You??? (Cute Anime Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Current Mood: depressed

11:08 am

shit! i just realized that im moving in like a month and a half! it still doesnt really feel real to me yet. aly gets freaked out every time i mention it, but julie is having a blast with the whole situation. lol. irving is really excited about it too....appearently so are his parents...which makes me feel good. the way i feel about this.....im starting to freak out. the closer it gets the more...scared i feel. maybe its just telling my parents thats making me feel this way. the fear is starting to build up stress and im slowly going back to old bad habits. so far ive been good, but its been plaguing my head. i might break soon. i dont know who to talk to about it cuz if u think about it......no one can really do anything.

new topic....i was just reading tony's live journal. now he hasnt updated in almost a year, but i was reading all his entries and all the comments i had left for him. i was the only one who ever commented on his stupid thinger. i now realize that he was never a true friend to me. i thought at the time that we were actually "real" friends. he knows one of my darkest secrets because i thought he was a friend and i could trust him. reading back on all those entries and comments....i was always telling him i love him and that i was here if he needed me and i realized that it all fell on deaf ears. he never once took me up on my offer to listen to him complain about krista or whatever it was that was bothering him. i realized that i was the only one who was a real friend. all the rest of the guys keep trying to make me feel like they are still my friends, but im sure if i look back on it, ill find pretty much the same thing with the rest of them. i really only have one friend....well that isnt related to me by blood. and thats irving. the rest of those dumbasses were never friends, i dont have anyone at work that i would consider a true friend (meaning i wouldnt tell them stuff, but hanging out occasionally would be fine) irving keeps telling me that the band loves me...which is all fine and dandy, but i cant help getting the feeling that they like me and all, but we're not friends....i dont know, its all very complicated and hard to explain. ive never really been one to need a lot of friends, but i thought i had a whole bunch and it hurts to find out that they were never really there. i guess i dont really need them....ive been fine without them for a while now. whatever....i was just ranting. anywhoo....i guess thats it. i think this weekend irving and i are telling mom and dad that im moving out. that should be fun. hopefully once thats done with, the stress will go away and ill feel better. later days all!

Current Mood: anxious

09:40 am

hey hey hey, sorry its been so long. ive been kind of keeping to myself lately. but everyone keeps yelling at me to update, so here goes.....

so i have some big news....which now that i think about it everyone probably already knows, but there might be one or two out of the loop. come january im moving in with irving. this time its the real deal. ive got the whole thing planned out. im going to transfer to the bayshore king kullen and work my way through one last semester at suffolk. (im gonna take some child care classes) and then when i finish school, im gonna get a job at the commack kiddie acadamy. (which is convienently (sp) located next to irvings job) and we're gonna live in the apartment on the back of his house. i just hope i can stand it at kk until then. i think at this point the only people who dont know about this are my parents....no worries though, they will find out soon enough. that should be fun.

ok im off to work now. boo. later days!

Current Mood: cold

06:48 pm

wow! has it been a while! i can honestly say that nothing too special has really happened since my last post. i know......im really boring. i dont really do anything. however i did email dana. i must say that was nerve raking. i thought that she hated me because of what happened between razi and the band, which is why it took me so long to contact her. but im glad i did. she told me that she thought I hated HER. but we straightened everything out. she is still a little hesitent to hang out with me though because she doesnt want to start a problem with me and the band because irving is my boyfriend and the rest of the band are friends of mine. i told her not to worry about it because if any of them are gonna try to tell me who to be friends with then ill just stop hanging out with them instead because ill be damned if im going to let people tell me who to hang out with. but whatever....i honestly dont think it will be a problem with anyone. the only one i think will really have any kind of problem with it would be jeff or liz and look at that.....two people whos opinions dont make that much difference to me. i could really care less what liz has to say about anything let alone my choice in friends, and jeff.....though i love him dearly, loves the drama and would most likely take this and try to make it a problem. besides......who says any of them have to know im hanging out with dana? im not saying im gonna sneak around about it, but there would be no reason for anybody to know. whatever. so some time maybe next week im gonna chill with dana....and tuesday im hanging out with christian. im kinda not feeling so good about that, but i need my therapist and i dont go to karaoke anymore, so i have to see him some way. the only problem is that i dont think i can trust myself very much longer. i dunno....i guess we'll just have to wait and see how i feel. i really love irving, but this crush on chris is pretty big. ugh! i hate me! i guess thats all for now. later days all!

Current Mood: confused

10:59 am - i was bored.....so shoot me

1. What time do you get up? depends on when i have to work that day

2. If you could eat lunch with a living person who would it be? ummmm.....i dont know, maybe sir paul mccartney or something like that.

3. Gold or silver? silver

4. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? in the cinema? who talks like that? lol! it was shaun of the dead

5. What are your favorite TV shows? gilmore girls, what NOT to wear, lizzie mcguire, charmed.......i think thats it, i dont really watch a lot of tv these days.

6. What did you have for breakfast? cinnamin toast crunch

7. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with? josh, and everyone who i thought were my friends

8. What is your middle name? Ann.....i know its boring, my parents had no imagination lol

9. Beach, City, Country or Mountain? Country.....as far away from everyone as i can get!

10. Favorite Ice Cream? mint chocolate chip, or cookie dough

11. Butter, Plain or salted popcorn? plain is nasty! i like it with butter and salt

12. Favorite colors: i think thats fairly obvious......black and red

13. What car do you drive? '94 mercury sable.....otherwise known as a POS

15. What characteristics do you despise? I hate people who pretend that they like someone and then talk about them behind their back. i also hate people who cant keep secrets and who dont have an open mind about things.

16. What are your favorite flowers? rose

17. You could go anywhere in the world on vacation...where would you go? south dakota.......but if i have to pick somewhere ive never been before then i pick somewhere in europe, i really dont care where.....maybe england or ireland.

18. What color is your bathroom? at home or at school? green walls with wood trim and white tile in the tub area--> home

19. Favorite Brand of clothing? i dont care really.....im not really into brand name stuff.

20. Where would you retire? south dakota!

21. Favorite Day of the week? i dont really have one.....i guess friday cuz thats my day off and i get to see irving

22. What did you do for your last Birthday? i had irving come over for dinner with my family and then we got a little tipsy....it was fun.

23. Where were you born? some hospital in boston massachusettes

24. Favorite sports to watch on TV? i hate sports

25. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? i dont think anyone will send it back......i dont really have a lot of friends anymore.

26. The person you expect to send back first? see above answer

27. What fabric detergent do you use? i dunno....whatever my mom buys

28. Coke or Pepsi? ITS THE SAME THING!!

29. Are you a morning person or night owl? im more of a middle of the day kinda girl.

Current Mood: sore

10:16 am

oh my god! im such a screw up. i hurt irving pretty badly last night. he keeps swearing that hes not mad at me, but i cant help but think he is. i hate doing that to him, but i just cant help it. looking at his face last night was just killing me though. he looked so........i dont know, disappointed, hurt, mad....maybe a little of all. it felt like my heart got ripped out and the worst part is that it was all my own doing. i always tell myself that im never going to do that to him again, and then in a matter of weeks i do it again. i wish i could just stop......im going to try because i dont want to do that to him anymore. i just hope i can do it. but i think as long as i have christian to help me through it because frankly i dont think i can talk to irving about it anymore. i would love to think that i can talk to him but i dont think he can handle this anymore. that really hurts to think that, but its the truth. ugh

Current Mood: disappointed